So, I figured I’m turning 21 soon, on the 9th of July to be exact. I’m not rejecting any gifts, I accept gifts in all forms (money, gift cards, money, money, money, money, money).
I’m not really big on birthdays and celebrating them. It’s not a huge deal for me however I do like to reflect on my year. I’m always grateful for another year and it’s not something I take for granted which is why I take time to reflect. I get to discover more about myself with each birthday and it’s as though I’m still learning myself which is rather interesting to me. You don’t really know how far your personality and character can go until you’ve had numerous unique experiences and these experiences come over time. I’ve decided to share my reflection with you this year because it’s the big TWENTY-ONE! I’ve come up with a list of things I have learnt about myself up until now
• I have a lot of doubts and insecurities: mainly because of the pressure I have put on myself to succeed and make my parents proud.
• Change makes me very nervous: I fear the unknown so much that it’s something I feel I should check professionally
• Camouflage: I often hide my emotions because I want everyone to think I’m always happy and okay
• Trust issues: I have a really difficult time trusting people. Mainly because I’ve been taken for a poes countless times
• Attention seeker: I need so much attention it’s really a bad thing. I want to be attended to 24/7. Am I needy? Find out next time on “Give me all your attention”
• Needy: Okay I’m needy. I’ve settled it with myself. I want to feel appreciated for the things I do & if that makes me needy then OKAY
• Ms. Yes: I can’t say “no” to save my life. I have such a difficult time saying no to people.
• Fear of failure: I have sleepless nights thinking about not making a success out of myself
• Fragile: I’m easily hurt by peoples’ actions and the things they say. But I’m very good at hiding it
• Not confident: I’m always contemplating my self-worth, I’m learning every day to reassure myself that I’m worth it
• Questions how genuine others are: I really wonder if people actually like me and accept for who I am or they’re merely tolerating me.
• Confrontational: I’m very confrontational. I don’t miss an opportunity to call a spade, a spade. Conflict does not make me uncomfortable
The reason why I’ve chosen to write on the negatives is because I want to work on these things. I have a lot of great qualities but these are the things I feel are important for me to work on more. I want the years to be worth it and I want my growth to be effective. I’d strongly suggest this for anyone who wants to work on themselves and make their growth a tangible experience.
KADAN – (n) “where the heart lies”, an all-purpose word for a person one cares about, including friends, family and loved ones.