“I’ve learned to quickly let go of people who aren’t traveling the same way that I am – and it doesn’t mean that I don’t love them anymore, nor does it mean that I won’t miss them – it just means that at some point, I’ve got to respect my own life journey…and not allow other people to slow me down” this is one of my favorite quotes by Cici.B. It captures the essence of letting go and its importance.
I’ve had a difficult time letting go of people. I find it easier to deal with someone’s death than someone’s absence in my life. For me – letting go always felt cowardice, staying and holding on was something I always felt I needed to do. It felt as though if I let go of a person, I’d also be letting go of the good memories I shared with them. I realize as I grow older that my life is 1 big book (as cliché as it sounds) and this book has a number of chapters. Some chapters are long and some are short. Letting go of someone doesn’t mean that I have to now shut the entire book and start afresh. It simply means that the chapter, paragraph, sentence, or pages in which that person was in, is now over. The book itself continues with or without them. I thought letting go meant that I had to shut the person out and act like they didn’t even exist. Needless to say, that my understanding of letting go has changed drastically as I mature. There are 3 keys to letting go.
- Acceptance: You’ll know that it’s time to let go when you accept where you and that certain person stand. It’s no use lying to yourself about how someone makes you feel. You can’t keep resurrecting dead relationships and unrepairable trust. Accept the fact that a person is no longer serving a purpose in your life. Certain people leave your life so that there is space for new people. So many of us have unnecessary people in our lives draining our energy and taking up space. Sit down with yourself and ask yourself whether some of the people and things in your life are actually worth all the trouble.
- Peace: When I first started practicing letting go, I’d accept that my chapter with this person is over and then I’d completely shut them out. Without any explanation and without any real peace concerning the situation. I realized this wasn’t good because I knew in my heart of hearts that I missed them and I missed the good times they brought me. It’s important to be at peace with your decision of letting someone go. Sometimes I miss people that were absolutely toxic for me. I sometimes miss friends that I grew apart from. It’s absolutely normal to miss them, their scent, their hug, their laugh and all the things that brought you happiness when you were with them. However, be at peace knowing that you made the right decision by letting them because you see the bigger picture.
- Time: Like I said, t’s okay to miss people because that means that you once had really good people in your life. Don’t go blocking them on social media and ignoring them in public. They haven’t done anything and it’s not their fault. Neither is it yours. You need time to adjust to the change and to fully be okay with how things will be now that they’re no longer playing a role in your life. They might even ask you why you’ve been distant and it’s okay to live in your truth and tell them. It’s all up to you to decide if you’d rather end things off officially or let it happen naturally.
I believe that letting go is important because having certain people in your life past their due date can hold you back. Your paths begin to differ and so do your choices. Keeping them around will either delay your journey or delay theirs. It’s not that you’ve changed, it’s just that you’ve grown up and you’ve learned what’s best for you. It’s alright to lose people in order to get where you need to be.
KADAN – (n) “where the heart lies”, an all-purpose word for a person one cares about, including friends, family and loved ones.