Channel Orange

Channel orange (vb): orange is the color of liberation, from the pains of hurt and inner insecurities. To “channel orange” is to truly be free, to be you.

I’m sure many of you are familiar with the saying “Do what you love and love what you do”? Yeah… I’m just going to imagine that you are on the other side of the screen nodding because you agree that you have. If you haven’t heard this saying before – you can thank me later. First things first, I love writing so much that I started my own blog and I’m pretty good at it if I do say so myself. But here’s the thing right, a lot of people have asked me why I love writing and I find myself always telling them “because I love writing” and I feel like that answer is weightless and uninspired.

I really can’t say that I’ve always loved writing from the beginning and even though I used to enjoy writing essays in High school – I just didn’t bother making it a thing to be quite honest. And so I realized that I can’t really say “I love writing”, I kind of fell in love with it. I grew to finding purpose in it and my love for it grew then. If I have to be frank, I’d have to say that I started writing when I realized that I couldn’t rely on humans. I have countless incidents where I’ve opened up to someone and I felt disappointed because either they couldn’t sympathize, understand or simply just couldn’t listen to what I was saying.                         And as I grow older I’ve found that only a handful of people (maybe less because I have childlike hands) can honestly listen without judging, without repeating what I have told them to someone else and even fewer can relate regardless of not having been in my shoes. That feeling is what anchored me to writing.

Just be honest with yourself, often when you tell someone something you already unintentionally expect a certain kind of reply. If you tell a joke, you expect laughter – right? And it kind of puts you off when the response you expect is not the response you get. I would often feel regret after telling someone something personal because I would get the most impersonal and generic response. I’m an open book and a bit of an ‘emotional whore’ (which means I share a lot of my emotions without much restraint) which is a trait I am proud of. But here’s the thing, not everyone is receptive to raw emotions at any given time without the mood allowing for you to open up. I know this very well because I have suffered at the hand of my emotional transparency.

I have shared so much of my life journey with people who were only in my life for a certain amount of time. It’s happened to many times to count. It’s not something that has only happened with friends but also with family. I made sharing my thoughts, opinions and experiences a habit and it always seemed to raise a lot of questions and eyebrows. I had to learn to know what to say to whom and also what not to say, which took away from who I am as a person. Who I am does not have a filter and is not afraid to just say whatever in the presence of whoever. That is what writing is for me. I started to fall in love with writing when I learnt that I could trust it and I could be myself completely. When I write I feel a sense of freedom, I am free to say what I want and how I want. There has never been a day that I wrote something and I felt a burden afterwards. I’ve written about so many things, some sad and some happy but knowing that I have a paper to spill my ink on is a comforting thought for me. If I didn’t discover the beauty in writing, I would have never discovered myself because who I am is what I think, feel and say. No one can erase what I’ve written and no one can diminish its importance to me.

So it turns out I didn’t just do what I loved and loved what I did, some of us kind of just get tripped along the way many times and then we stumble into this love. Sometimes you can get what you love and find that you don’t love what you got. As for me, even if my hands shake – I will continue to write my stories in their truest form.

Featured image by Ivygeorge.com

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Aphsie says:

    Yazi Mack, I am tempted to believe that that is infact how the bulk of us find or are found by what we end up loving and finding it so difficult to imagine life without! Good piece 👌🏾

    Like

  2. FemiBu says:

    So much I relate to in this piece ❤❤❤

    Like

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