I think we’ve warped the concept of marriage, it shouldn’t be so complicated. It’s a simple relationship. People shouldn’t need so much money to get married.
Would it be so horrible not to have a big lavish wedding, to not afford a home at get go, to have to use second-hand furniture when we can finally afford our first home? Should we really miss out on opportunities to grow together because of the world’s view on marriage? Society keeps telling us that we need to be stable and perfect before we get married, but that’s impossible really.
Nobody will ever be perfect on earth, so it’s pointless to make lists of what your spouse should be like or not be like, or what they should have or not have. Life is too unpredictable. You can’t buy a marriage out of falling apart, so money can’t be everything. As for deep love and intimacy, it takes years to build that. It doesn’t happen overnight like in the movies. It takes patience, compromise, humility, respect, forgiveness and faith every single day. You have to be willing to die to self daily, die to your standards and expectations, die to your selfish nature and ego. It takes that constant self- sacrifice. It takes an understanding that no person can ever fill the space God created in your heart for Himself, it demands that you fully understand that nobody can love you like God. Because just like you, other people are flawed, and just like you they make mistakes and fall short of perfection. It’s unfair to expect anyone to love us and serve us perfectly and with ease at that. I mean ask yourself, how well would you fair in loving an imperfect person faultlessly? Speak the truth, that can only be found in Jesus. So remove from your mind the world’s view of perfect romance, that’s not what love looks like. It’s not just butterflies in your stomach, passionate love-making or cute little love notes on the bathroom mirror in the morning. Those things come and go.
To me, marriage is about expressing God (love) to an imperfect person, that way causing them to feel so loved that they want to seek the source of your love… which is God. It has more to do with giving than recieving. I reckon the success of your marriage has more to do with your relationship with God than it does your relationship with your spouse. I say that because God is the ultimate source of love, not your spouse. It’s about support, security and growth. Not just things, not just feelings. Yes, it’s good and well to have a beautiful home and lots of money, but those things shouldn’t be necessary for two people to get married. The only thing these standards have succeeded in doing is making it harder for couples to get married. Modern weddings are ridiculously expensive! There’re so many expectations to live up to, and people to please, all for one day. Weddings are supposed to be about the significance of the covenant, and celebrating the union of two people. Why should we be so caught up with the unnecessary details when the word of God calls us not to conform to the standards of this world? Why spend so much money on pleasing people that you don’t even know? Imagine! All that debt for one or two days, no wonder 50% of marriages end in divorce… we focus too much on all the wrong things. I also don’t like how some people make marriage sound like an accomplishment. Or a gift that only good christians deserve… like you have to pass a few tests before you’re ready… like it’s the greatest gift God has to give… like we’re incomplete without a spouse.
Marriage is it’s own test. Marriage is it’s own lesson. A lesson in love, humility and commitment. As much as singleness is it’s own lesson in patience and contentment. It, too, is a gift.